


A Dash Of Faith

by CrypticGabriel



Series: Sheith ABO Family AU [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Cesarean Section, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mpreg, Postpartum Depression, Pregnancy, Premature Birth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-29 09:51:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16261745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrypticGabriel/pseuds/CrypticGabriel
Summary: Admittedly, Thace never wanted children. Even with the prospect looming when his coworker Keith was expecting twins, his mind was deterred from that. That was until he had a sneaking suspicion and wanted to try a pregnancy test.In which Ulaz and Thace have a baby, a risk as older Dynamics that they were willing to take.





	A Dash Of Faith

**Author's Note:**

> I've always wanted to write a Thulaz spinoff to the series! However, I wish I was able to get it out much sooner. I'd been planning this ever since the end of the first story in the series. I hope you enjoy! I love Thulaz!
> 
> Just a note! The views on C-sections that are in this fic are not my own. This is just in the context of the delivery that Omegas generally have natural births and it's not considered "normal" for them to have C-sections, and this is how the character feels in the context of this story. I think it's extremely important to highlight that C-section births are just as valid as natural births, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

_“I don’t think I want kids.”_

_Thace could feel Ulaz’s eyes on_ him when he said that. “No?” He looked over. “Any real reason, or…?”

He shrugged. “If I tell you something, do you promise not to think of me any differently?”

“Of course, I promise.” He frowned and took his hand.

After taking a deep breath, Thace let out a sigh. “Infertility is very common in my family. It was a miracle I was born, really. And being born an Omega didn’t make things easy for my parents. It made me not want to have one.”

Ulaz kissed his hand. “That’s nothing to be ashamed of. And I don’t think of you any less for it. I love you.”

He smiled warmly, resting his head on his shoulder. “I love you too, Ulaz.” He closed his eyes, his fingers intertwining with his partner’s.

That was the turning point for their relationship. Even after they’d been together for several years, it wasn’t until now that things were really serious for the two of them. Of course, their relationship took a lot of work. All relationships did. It’d been a long journey, ever since they’d first met.

They met at the police academy, when they were first training together. It was a secret little thing, really. Nothing was supposed to come from their interactions, at the time. Ulaz was an Alpha. Thace was an Omega. They both had their needs and often shared platonic heats together. It wasn’t conventional, but they both consented and loved it, loving that they were crossing lines and taking risks mutually. But after graduating from the academy and having to part ways, that was when Thace first realized that he’d fallen in love. He’d done his best to get over him, but it was no easy feat. And it was a miracle, really, that they reunited when transfer after transfer eventually led the two of them back together at the Marmora Police Department.

Even with their already established bond and with how attuned they were to each other, it took over half a year for the two of them to even consider the idea of officially mating and making the bond marks. And the only reason why Thace agreed to that was because Ulaz didn’t mind not having children.

\--

 _They regularly shared heats together, always having_ an active and healthy sex life. At this point, they’d been mates for over twelve years, but it was only now that everyone at work knew. With the two of them being older now, Thace’s heats were growing less and less frequent. Each one was cherished, especially since it was considered a break for them in their crazy lives.

This heat, however, Thace probably should’ve been more careful. But he wasn’t thinking about that. All he wanted was Ulaz, and only he could ease his aches. He always used birth control, and Ulaz always wore condoms. But this time, Thace just really wanted to have a real knot. Just once.

He was old, after all. Now in his early forties, they had no intentions on ever starting a family. They lived in a small apartment with one bedroom and a kitchen the size of their bathroom. But it was their home. It was perfect for them, and that didn’t leave any room for another person in here, let alone a baby. That wasn’t in their plan.

Thace got nauseous one morning, and his heart leapt up to his throat. The timing was just right. The stars seemed to be aligned in a way that caused him to question things. He wasn’t pregnant. He was sure of it without a shadow of a doubt, but there was something gnawing at him. Something was making him _want_ to question. Deep down, he wanted to at least check for curiosity’s sake. He’d gone to the pharmacy while Ulaz was still sleeping, and he came back while trying not to make too much noise so he could take this pregnancy test.

Of course, he couldn’t keep Ulaz in the dark for very long. He always woke up at six in the morning, and he was knocking on the door. “Thace? You almost done in there?”

He gulped, looking over at the sink. There were still no results, and he diverted his eyes. But as he looked at the test, he realized that he really needed Ulaz’s support. He quickly opened the door. “Ulaz? Can I show you something?”

Ulaz did a double take. “In the… bathroom?”

“N-no, not like that!” He groaned and shook his head. “Just—just come see this.” He took his hand and brought him into the bathroom. “So I… bought this home pregnancy test.”

He looked back to see his mate’s reaction. He looked stunned and confused. “…Are you?”

“I don’t know yet. But I’m really nervous. The results should pop up in a minute, and I don’t think I’m ready.”

This was just for curiosity’s sake, really. Maybe he was a little paranoid about the fact that getting pregnant was still a possibility, with his coworker Keith currently expecting twins. Or was that feeling he was experiencing jealousy? He genuinely was happy for the younger Omega, but that just made him realize his unfortunate circumstances.

He always said that he didn’t want kids, and he was already prepared for the fact that there was a strong chance he’d never have a baby. But honestly, as he was waiting for the results of the pregnancy test, he started to really think about it. He could see himself carrying a baby to term, and he could see himself and Ulaz raising a child. But that was just his primitive instincts.

The more he thought to himself, the more he realized that he did want a baby. At least one. And he was starting to get anxiously happy. For most Dynamics, they’d get knocked up nearly every unprotected heat. Fuck his family history. He was going to have a baby… hell, he _wanted_ this baby.

Thace was startled back to reality when the timer on his phone went off. Ulaz had still been standing in the bathroom with him, and Thace himself had to look away from the sink. “Can you look at it? What does it say?”

He was mentally preparing himself for the results, taking a nervous breath and holding it. He couldn’t wait for the verbal confirmation. He wanted this baby.

“It’s negative.”

His world stopped, and he slowly looked over. “…What?” He walked closer to see for himself.

The pregnancy test only showed one line. It shouldn’t be as haunting as it was. He worried at his lip, the color draining from his face.

“You’re not pregnant.” Ulaz lightly rubbed his shoulder. “Now we can breathe, okay?”

Thace started to nod, agreeing with him. But all he could think about was how much he’d just imagined starting a family, and he’d thought so hard about what it would be like to prepare for the baby and raise it. Now that he confirmed his assumption that he wasn’t, he felt so… empty.

“Yeah.” His eyes started to water. “See, this is really good. We don’t have to worry about it now.”

“Thace?”

“I’m fine, really.” He covered his face, feeling forlorn and cheated. “I’ll get over this in a few days. I’m not upset.”

Ulaz caught on just as Thace started crying. “I never asked how you felt,” he pressed and took his shoulders. “What are you saying, love? Did you… _want_ a baby, Thace?”

His lip quivered as he nodded. “I-I know, it’s so stupid.”

“No, of course not,” Ulaz said quickly. “It’s not stupid… I promise you that. I know we’ve agreed that we didn’t want kids, but it’s never too late to try. Okay?”

He sniffled and smiled through his tears. “You want one, too?”

“Yes, I do. I always did,” he confessed. “But that wasn’t an ultimatum for me. I love you for you, not just for children. And if we do have a baby, then we’ll work so damn hard to make sure they have the life that they deserve. That’s what I want, and I know that’s what you want.”

“I just feel bad that’s my fault it took so long to want this.” He tried drying his eyes, but more tears kept coming. “We’re so old.”

Ulaz laughed and gave him a kiss. “Age is just a number, darling.”

He smiled and moved closer. “I do want to try. I want a baby… at least one.”

His mate crooned to him warmly and kissed him again slowly, constantly reaffirming his love and adoration for Thace. “Then let’s do it. Let’s have a baby.”

As if they finally had something to work towards, his cycle suddenly seemed to fix itself. He had his next heat the following month, and they’d been trying to conceive ever since.

\--

 _Thace had just dropped Keith off_ at the hospital, and he was currently giving birth to his twins. That had his mind wandering to unfamiliar territory. For some reason, being in the car with him caused himself to feel a strange sense within himself. Through Keith’s cries during contractions, there was a knot growing in the pit of Thace’s stomach.

He’d thrown up while he was still in the maternity ward. The nearest restroom was across the hall from the elevator. He heard the squeal and cries of newborns from one corridor, and there were agonized cries and grunts from Omegas giving birth in the other. He was surrounded and overwhelmed, and he firmly had a hand on his middle.

He’d had his suspicions. After his last heat, about two months ago, the urge to mate had died down again, along with his cycles. They’d just had a sudden burst of fertility, and it was snuffed out without warning. This time, he wasn’t going to deny the possibility of being pregnant. After all, that was his goal.

When he finally stopped feeling nauseated, he was still disoriented while gathering himself up. He had to take another breather and wash his face, and he stared at himself in the mirror and at how much his face changed from the weeks of strange fatigue and bouts of sickness. The last time, it’d stopped after a few days. The realization hit him like a truck, but at the same time it didn’t feel real. Of course, he was going to go to a doctor as soon as he could, but right now he just felt too stunned and excited that he knew it was true.

“Where were you?!” He heard Keith growl from the room he was staying in. He realized that Shiro was finally here, which meant that Ulaz was here as well.

“Ulaz?” he called softly down the hall, delighted when he saw him and hurried up to him. He had the urge to quickly stay in his arms, but he stayed calm and followed Ulaz out of the hospital. After all, they had to go back to work. “Ulaz. I wanna talk to you about something.”

“What is it, darling?” They were standing right outside Thace’s police car. “You seem to be in a better mood.”

“I am,” he mumbled shyly, trying to hold back his smile. “And I will be, for a long while. Because I think… W-well, I think it finally took.”

“What did?” he crooned. That ambiguity didn’t last long, though. He quickly caught on, and his entire expression changed. He went from confused, to stunned, to completely thrilled. “Really? A-are you sure?”

He nodded and held his hands. “I’m positive. I think I really am pregnant this time.”

“Tha’ts incredible!” he grinned and took him in his arms. “A baby… oh, Thace. We’re so old.”

Thace couldn’t help but laugh, and they shared a kiss, and another, and another… “I love you.”

\--

 _Thace shivered from the cold sensation_ of the gel, holding Ulaz’s hand tighter. It still didn’t feel real, even though he found out several weeks ago. The monitor got some color, but Thace couldn’t look directly at it. It hadn’t really sunk in for him yet.

“Ready?” His doctor watched them happily.

He would never be ready, but he finally brought himself to nod his head. As he sat back and looked at the monitor again, he could feel his mate’s eye son him. He’d already noticed a change in the Alpha, with how he treated Thace and how instinctual he was in the way he looked out for him. Thace loved that about him. There seemed to be absolutely nothing that would slow him down, so he was going to keep sticking it out too.

He barely noticed when the doctor pressed the wand to his abdomen. Whatever he was thinking of, it completely slipped his mind when he heard a tiny pulse. It was a rapid heartbeat, and it got a little louder the more that the sonogram showed.

“Is that…?” Ulaz’s voice broke.

She nodded and smiled warmly. “There’s your baby.”

It looked more like a little blob than a baby, but Thace loved it so much already. It was the scariest yet most amazing thing he’d ever seen. And now that he could actually see and hear it, it started to feel more real.

“That’s our baby,” his mate whispered, and Thace felt a kiss on his temple.

They had some pictures captured for them to share with their friends and family, and Thace couldn’t stop staring at them. His hand cradled his middle, like it was his child’s last line of defense. He was silent on the ride home, and his heart was pounding.

“Are you okay?” he heard Ulaz ask him, but he felt so distant that he didn’t respond right away. “Thace?”

“…I can’t believe this is real,” he said with a grin. “This is really happening.”

“I know.” He happily kissed his hand. “We’re doing this together, and everything will go according to plan. And in just a few months, we’ll be able to start the family we always wanted. I love you, Thace.”

He grinned. “I love you too.”

\--

 _The weeks following that first visit_ were full of bliss. Nothing could ruin their joy and excitement. Thace loved being in Ulaz’s company and under his protective eye while interacting around the house. He’d been bustling to get everything organized and prepared for the baby, but that was when he had the glaring realization that there was simply no room in their apartment.

“Ulaz?” he called as he stood in the middle of their bedroom. “We have to move.”

He walked in with furrowed brows. “I mean, we saved enough by living in this shack.”

Thace smiled faintly. “It wouldn’t be right to try and raise a baby in here. And a lot of our neighbors are older… We’d be bound to get a lot of noise complaints.”

“Well, we shouldn’t have to worry about that, should we? I’ve thought about getting a house.” He draped his arm around his shoulder. “In Keith’s neighborhood, there were places up for sale. One of them was in our range, and we’d still have enough left over for things to put in the nursery?”

“Yeah?” He liked the sound of that. “Okay… Let’s do that, then. Let’s get a house.”

“We’re doing everything backwards,” Ulaz teased while giving him a kiss.

Thace smiled against his lips. “We just really have a knack for that.”

With that small proclamation, they moved into the suburbs just a couple weeks later. They graduated from their tiny apartment to a two-bedroom house with a pool. Thace was excited to move in and work on it. He decorated the living room and the kitchen, and he felt so happy to have so much _space._ He always loved their apartment, but this was so comfortable and perfect.

Thace was starting to show at that point, and there were a lot of things Ulaz and Thace did together in their bedroom that involved doting over their unborn child and keeping their romance alive behind closed doors. Everything was star-studded, and the skies were all clear for them.

Thace’s favorite part about being pregnant was catching Ulaz off guard whenever he was doing basic chores. He liked to clean up around the house with music blaring, and he danced around their wonderful house while keeping productive throughout his day. And he would then hear Ulaz come home and turn to find him just staring and smiling one of his fondest smiles. He loved this baby, and there was no denying that.

The look on his face whenever they talked about their near future was warm and full of love. His large hands always tenderly caressed Thace’s middle, and he found comfort in feeling calloused fingertips while their child moved around within him. Nothing could shatter this fantasy the growing family shared.

That was, until the day that they received bad news at the hospital. Thace had nearly collapsed at work, and if it weren’t for Antok being right there to catch him, he would’ve had a nasty fall. To make sure that there weren’t any complications, he stayed on bed rest for forty eight hours before expecting grave news at his ultrasound appointment shortly after.

“Thace, I’m afraid that by the looks of your stats, you are high risk.”

“What does that mean?” he frowned. He couldn’t help but glance down at his belly in concern. Was there something wrong with his baby?

“It means that anything can happen that would harm you or the baby during your pregnancy. For the most part, it would affect the both of you. These risks may include hypertension, pre-eclampsia, stillbirth, or a pre-term birth, among several other complications.”

Thace hurried to take hold of Ulaz’s hand. His mate didn’t say a word, but the way his scent changed to try and soothe him was comfort enough. “Are they gonna be okay?”

“We’ll have to monitor you, and I’m afraid that you’ll have to be out of work for the rest of your term,” she said. “You’re a much older Omega, so the complications that could come with you being high risk can be worse than if you were younger. We’re going to do all we can to make sure that we can get your baby to term, but unfortunately I can’t make any promises if you don’t take care of yourself.”

“But I do. And I will,” he promised, his throat starting to tighten. “I’ll do all I can to stay healthy.”

“I know you will,” she smiled. “Now, for the good news. Are you ready to know the baby’s sex?”

Thace was still focused on the bad news, devastated. Ulaz was the one that answered for him, insisting that they wanted to know. He didn’t pay too much attention, but later on in the day, he was going to be very excited now that he knew this little growth of cells and genes inside him was going to be his daughter in a few more months.

\--

 _“A girl…” Ulaz crooned while snuggling_ with Thace in bed that night, holding his middle tenderly. “We’re having a girl.”

He nodded and leaned up to kiss his mate. Thace was still too focused on the bad to think about the good. “I just want her to be healthy and safe, and not even the doctors can promise us that.”

“She will be,” he murmured, nuzzling his hair. “You’re both going to be alright. She’ll be a healthy height and weight, and she will be thriving and so loved. Let’s not think about the risks now. We should celebrate.” He gave him another kiss, Thace lingering while locking lips with him. “What should we name her? Have you decided?”

He shook his head modestly. “She was still a foreign concept to me.”

“Well, that’s okay, darling. We still have time.” Ulaz moved lower to caress his baby belly, smiling against his skin after lifting his shirt up. “We have the fountain of youth right here.” He kissed his middle, right under his navel.

Thace grinned, feeling ticklish while reaching down to rub his head. “Ulaz…” He squirmed while the baby moved.

“Rest now,” he crooned. “I’m here to take care of you. Everything will be fine…”

Late at night, while Ulaz was sleeping, Thace would often stare down at his stomach and silently pray for everything to go well. He begged to his baby to stay healthy and thriving. He didn’t know what he’d do with himself if something terrible happened to her. But it was part of a cruel curse. He should’ve expected that he would have complications, but all he could do now was hope that he survived this pregnancy.

\--

 _Thace was never one to stay_ still or laying down for long periods of time. He was restless, constantly wanting to move, and for the most part, he did just that. Against his doctor’s orders. It wasn’t like he was doing anything strenuous. All he wanted to do was spritz up the nursery a little more and give it some life. He had to wait for his baby shower to get more items for the baby, though. They didn’t have clothes yet, but they did have some accents and toys. They still needed supplies, too. That would come later, as well.

Thace hadn’t felt the baby kick all day, but he wasn’t worried. Sometimes there just wasn’t that much movement. That wasn’t anything to really cause much of a concern.

Ulaz was supposed to come home from work soon, and it was during that time waiting for him when Thace wasn’t feeling too well. He had to sit down after a while of cleaning up the nursery, and even then he was still uncomfortable. There were pains throughout his lower body, which he never would’ve expected being merely seven months pregnant.

Cold sweat formed all over his skin, but he didn’t want to get up. “Ulaz…” He knew he wasn’t in the house with him, but he knew that he desperately needed his Alpha. He cringed as more pain shot up and down his spine, and he hurried to grab his phone. He had every right to be incredibly concerned, and he called for emergency services.

When he was carried out on the stretcher, he begged the paramedics to get into contact with his mate. And that was when the contractions began at full force.

“Ulaz!” He cried and stayed restrained, in complete distress. The worst case scenarios were all he could see in the near future. There was something wrong with his baby, and that he was sure of. He didn’t know if he was miscarrying, if she was dying, if he was in labor, or what. His lip quivered while he kept going through waves of pain.

At the hospital, he was still alone, unable to contact his mate. He trusted the medical staff to take care of him and get Ulaz here, but with every minute that he was by himself he felt himself grow more and more hopeless. Nurses kept aiding him, but he was reaching a point where he didn’t want to be touched. Where was his mate? He called for him repeatedly as time was passing, his health and resolve dwindling with each second.

His progress was monitored every five minutes, and there was nothing that anyone could say that could comfort him. He shied back and often lashed out when people got too close. There was only one person that could give him the help that he needed.

When Ulaz arrived, he could be heard sprinting down the delivery ward. Thace’s heart raced, and he started to weakly reach out as his mate barged in. He was ready to intimidate anyone that was too close to him without their permission.

“Ulaz!” he sobbed and held onto him.

His mate quickly embraced him, and Thace relaxed in his hold while taking in his calming scent. He felt more waves of pain again, and he curled his fingers into the fabric of Ulaz’s police uniform.

“It’s gonna be okay, Thace,” he assured him calmly. “Everything will be fine.”

“B-but the baby,” he whined miserably. He was deathly afraid still that she was dead, barely paying attention to the vitals. “Ulaz, the baby…”

“Thace…” He gave him a gentle kiss. “Trust me. All will go well.”

Hours passed. The doctor rushed back into the room, checking on Thace once again. He clung to his mate while going through contractions, knowing that every centimeter he was dilating felt like it was taking far too long to achieve. She had a grave expression on her face, and she adjusted her medical gloves as the beeping on one of the monitors built up to an erratic tempo.

“Thace, we have to do a Cesarean.”

He paled and clutched the sheets below him. “Is she okay?”

“Her vitals are dropping. We have to have her out immediately.” She started calling for nurses, but Thace could barely hear the conversations. He was filled with complete dread.

“She’s dying…” That was the only thing on his mind. “My baby.”

“Thace…” Ulaz held his hand and kissed it. “You can do this. She’ll be alright.”

“Stop telling me she’ll be alright!” he snarled. “You heard her, she doesn’t have a chance!” It was a good thing he didn’t have a name for her. At least now he won’t be too attached.

He was rushed to an operating room, where a nurse injected him in the lower spine. Eventually his pain ebbed away, replaced by muted sensations. Ulaz was there, scrubbed up and right nearby. The sensations made Thace feel nauseated, so his mate was there holding a pan for him when he needed it. And he’d needed it a _lot._

He felt so sick, both from the strange sensations and from how distressed he was. He’d been imagining for several months how the birth would go. It’d be so painful, but he knew that every push would soon lead to him holding her in his arms. The labor would’ve been so worth it. But his fantasies never played out. It felt too impersonal in here, and all senses and scents were muffled. She was several months too early, and who knows what health problems would be awaiting her. If she even made it through the night, that was.

He kept his hopes low. He was right. He shouldn’t have ever had a baby. What made him think that this would be a good idea? It ended up being a complete disaster, no matter what he did to help ease the tension and how he tried bonding with his daughter. She became dead to him the moment the true labor began.

He didn’t even birth her properly. C-sections were rare for Omegas, since they were born to breed without too may complications. He didn’t even feel like he had her. The doctors had to pull her out by cutting him open. He did none of the delivery himself, and it crushed him far more than he anticipated.

After retching in the pan again, worn out and mind hazy, he heard the first cries. His whole world stopped.

He heard her… She was crying for him! The nurses were all talking among themselves about what they should do, but he could still point out his baby girl from the tiny sound of her voice. Her cries sounded more like squeaks from how tiny she sounded, and he tried to look for her.

“W-where is she?” he rasped, eyes watering. “Let me see her…”

Her crying started to decrescendo down a corridor, and several other nurses were rushing her away. His arms were still reaching pathetically, and Thace wished he could get up but his body wouldn’t move. He had to face it now before his heart could break further.

She was dead.

The doctors didn’t have to tell him. He just knew it, deep down. He’d failed her.

His lip quivered while he cried, his voice raspy and full of an overwhelming sadness. He didn’t talk to anyone. He just wanted to recover and get the hell on with his life. Ulaz was right there, kissing his hand and his tear-stained face.

“Thace, you did so well,” he assured him, voice thick with emotion. “You’re amazing, my darling.”

He quickly turned away. “No. Leave me alone…”

He could hear the hurt in his mate’s voice. “Thace…”

“Get away! J-just leave me alone!” He never got to see her. There was an emptiness in his belly that couldn’t be ignored, and he trembled while thinking about those small moments where he’d thought everything would be okay. He’d have his baby and hold her, feeding her and taking care of her all the while. But it was gone. Even in that shred of hope that she was alive, she didn’t deserve to have him as such a lousy father. He couldn’t bear to see Ulaz’s disappointed face, knowing that he couldn’t properly take care of his baby or even birth her on his own.

His entire world was falling apart.

\--

 _The hospital room felt so sterile._ He could hear the other parents in the ward caring for their babies, and he could hear the tiny cries and gentle noises from his lonely bed. He was jealous of them.

He refused to know any more about his baby’s progress. The last he’d heard she was taken to NICU. He refused to let Ulaz into this room, not wanting to feel the judgment and hatred in his eyes whenever he’d look at his pathetic body in the bed.

Why did it have to be her? In his family, usually it was the parents that experienced the most complications. They suffered during birth and took forever to bounce back. But Thace cheated and took the easy way out by not doing any work. And his baby was now paying the price instead of him. Thinking about it made his eyes water more, especially since it was coupled with the cries of a stranger’s baby.

It’d been three days. He was numb, glued to the bed and forlorn. Sometimes he could smell the rancid scent of distressed Alpha from outside, but he wouldn’t let him in. He had no drive. He didn’t see how any of this would get better.

He heard a knock on the door and glared. “Go away, Ulaz,” he growled warningly. He collapsed back on the bed, too weak to be sitting up for long.

But when the door opened, it wasn’t Ulaz. Greeting him with a smiling face was Keith.

“What are you doing here?” he mumbled shakily.

“I came to see how you were doing,” Keith smiled and sat down on the bed. “You don’t look so good.”

He scoffed. “You wouldn’t be so keen to talk if your babies were dead before you had the chance to meet them.”

He could feel the tension rising. “Thace. You know that it took two tries before I had the twins. I think I have an idea of what you’re going through right now.”

Thace gulped and stayed looking away. “Sorry.”

He felt Keith rubbing his leg. “Ulaz is worried sick about you. He says you haven’t looked at him or asked about the baby. You haven’t been eating. Are you sleeping okay?”

“It’s all I do,” he grumbled. “The baby’s gone. There’s no point in waiting for good news.”

“But… she’s alive,” Keith frowned. “She’s in the NICU. Why are you so quick to say that she’s gone?”

“Most premature babies don’t survive. I shouldn’t have bothered trying to have a baby. I knew the risks, and I was selfish. Now look. She’s attached to tubes and living inside a machine. I don’t deserve to be a parent.”

“Stop talking like that.” He took his hand. “Thace, there’s no need to be so hopeless. And now’s not the time to keep yourself isolated and throw a pity party. Your mate is in distress, and he needs to know you’re okay. Your child is fighting for her life, and dammit if she’s really your baby then she’ll absolutely pull through.”

Thace hid his face and shook his head. “I’m a terrible father. I don’t even feel like I had a baby. I just feel… empty.”

“You’re not empty… Just because things didn’t go the way you planned, that doesn’t mean you give up. And when your baby pulls through, she’ll want to be with the best papa in the world. I know it seems hopeless right now, and that it doesn’t feel like she’s really here. But when you hold her for the first time, you’ll know.”

He took a shaky breath, trying to dry his eyes in a futile attempt to stay calm. In the end, he’d opened up. “I let her down. I let Ulaz down. I think he hates me.”

“He doesn’t hate you,” he frowned, sounding shocked that he’d ever say that. “Sure, he’s upset that you won’t let him talk to you, but he doesn’t hate you for any of this. He desperately wants to see you. He wants you to get better. He wants you to feel excited about the baby. You know, she’s doing a lot better now. She’s off the breathing tube, and soon she’ll be able to digest. Sure, it’s not an ideal way to see her progress, but it’s the littlest milestones that count.”

Thace’s lip quivered while he listened. “I do want to get better. And I know I can… I-I’m just scared. What if she really doesn’t pull through?”

“Don’t worry about that… Whether she lives to be old and gray or only a week old, she’s still your daughter. And she needs you to give her the best life you possibly can. That will make her happy. I’m sure she really wants to see you too.”

“Please…” He dried his eyes, his voice getting more wobbly. Keith was absolutely right, about everything. “Let Ulaz in.”

He watched him get up from the bed. When he left the room, he didn’t come back in. Instead, Ulaz walked inside, and Thace’s heart leapt up to his throat. He still had a gut feeling that Ulaz had ill feelings towards him, but when he looked into his eyes, all he saw was concern.

“Thace, my darling…” He carefully embraced him, and Thace heard his Alpha start to cry. “You’re okay. I’ve missed you so much.”

He whimpered and pressed a kiss to his shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he hummed as they kissed each other slowly. “I’m here to help you. We’ll get through this together, okay?”

He nodded silently. He wasn’t sure if he should talk to him about how he felt. Maybe Ulaz would think he was a bad parent. “How is she?” he stammered.

“She’s doing well.” He saw this light in his eyes as he spoke, and it broke his heart. “Thace, she’s wonderful. And so strong… the doctors thought that she’d need her breathing tube for at least another week. But she’s breathing well on her own. They’re keeping it on just in case. And Thace, she’s so small.”

Ulaz sounded so excited. It was killing Thace that he didn’t feel the same way. He felt like he had no attachment to her. Regardless, he played along. “I’m so glad to hear that she’s okay.”

“I have pictures,” he smiled. “Do you want to see her?”

He’d rather not. Against his better judgment, he nodded, and Ulaz handed him his phone. There the little newborn was, with tubes still hooked up to her and looking far too small to be healthy. She had a little flowered hat on, recognizing it was one of the hats from the outfits Antok got for them. And even then, as he was seeing what she looked like, he felt no attachment to her. She felt like a stranger to him. She didn’t feel like his baby, even though she’d spent seven months inside him. And that broke him.

He handed Ulaz his phone back and curled up, hiding his face. He couldn’t bear to think of her any longer.

“Thace, what’s wrong?” he took his hand. “Darling, talk to me.”

He knew he had to, even through his tears. “It doesn’t… feel like she’s mine. I don’t feel like her dad. I don’t… I-I don’t love her.”

He felt his mate’s arms embrace him in an instant while he mourned. To admit that out loud made him hate himself more than he ever thought possible.

“Thace, it’s okay… I-I don’t blame you. I was upset with the nurses they took her away before you even got to look at her. We were afraid this would happen. But don’t think that I hate you for that. We can work on it together.”

“I don’t deserve you,” he wept while he nuzzled him. “I don’t deserve her.”

“None of that,” he crooned. “It will take time. And sooner or later, we’ll have all the time in the world.”

\--

 _Thace was finally allowed to move_ around the next day. His recovery was brutal, and he had learned earlier that morning that he would never be able to carry another child. But that didn’t bother him. He never wanted to go through this again. He’d felt robbed, and even with talking to a psychiatrist on staff about his experience with the C-section and still never looking at her, his views on the birth hadn’t changed. He felt like a useless Omega and an awful parent.

It took some doing. The baby, who still had no name, had been alive for a week now, and this was when Thace finally felt comfortable enough to see her. There was a knot in his stomach that he couldn’t ignore. He didn’t love his baby. It was a cruel twist of fate. But the doctors and Ulaz all wanted him to see her regardless, hoping that it would mend their bond. Separating a newborn from their parent had disastrous consequences.

He stepped inside the NICU. Her bed, or machine rather, was in the far back corner. Ulaz stayed beside him with a hand on his back. He kept looking back at the Alpha, shaking his head. Now that he was so close to her, he’d never felt so afraid.

“I can’t do this,” he trembled. “I-I can’t.”

“Yes, you can,” he murmured. “Everything will be alright. I’m right here.”

All the other premature babies had little stuffed animals and gifts for them right near by, but his baby’s bed was glaringly void of that. She looked just like how she did in Ulaz’s pictures, except seeing her size up close felt more overwhelming.

He was too scared to touch her, afraid he’d hurt her or mess up one of the tubes. She was calm in her sleep, perfectly still but breathing. He could see her tiny hand clutching tightly onto nothing. He’d never seen anyone so strong. And most importantly, now that he was finally looking at her, he’d never seen something more beautiful in his life. It hit him all at once, like a tidal wave.

“Oh, Ulaz…” He whimpered, about to reach his hand out to stroke her head but retracting out of fear he’d hurt her. “She’s so little.”

“I know,” he hummed, and Thace felt a kiss on his cheek. “You can hold her. I’ll help you with that.”

“Please.” He hurried to sit down in the chair beside her, watching his mate carefully take her out without messing anything up. He knew that Ulaz would be such a good father. He could see all the love and adoration on his face when looking at her, and his heart ached. It was a beautiful sight.

His hands were shaking when she was placed in his arms. He watched her face and held her close to his chest, and his anxieties were ebbing away.

“Hello, my baby girl.” His throat tightened again, and he leaned down to nervously give her a kiss on her fragile head. “Hi… You’ve been so brave, my love.” He heard her whine softly, her voice so small that he had to choke back on a sob. “I know, baby. There’s nothing to fear now. Papa’s here.”

It was in that moment that he realized she still didn’t have a name. He needed to correct that immediately. He watched her clutch to him and sleep against his chest, and he picked the first name that came to his mind when he thought about the new and growing love he had for her.

_“Alice.”_

He looked up to kiss Ulaz, the two parents now content at last. There was a long journey ahead for them and their tiny bundle of joy, but they were going to get through it together.

**Author's Note:**

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